Colonel Angus (scosol) wrote,
Colonel Angus

and none will care

Seriously, none of you are San Hoes

A friend forwarded this to me, i found it amusing...

Don't even bother reading unless you're incredibly bored.

> --You know you're from San Jose When...

> Oakland is close enough so you can root for its teams, but far enough away so
that you feel safe.

The truth it be told.

> Several "parties" take place inside someone's garage amongst laundry, sitting on
crates around a bong.


> You know 280 south becomes 680 north.

After that "WTF?!?!" episode at age 15 in the Sedan De Ville, yeah.

> Your elementary school field trips included the Children's Discovery Museum,
Mission Santa Clara, and Happy Hollow.

Yep- took a girl to Happy Hollow recently actually...
They have Capybaras!

> You didn't realize that San Jose had an accent mark until the "San José - the
Capital of Silicon Valley"
signs went up everywhere.


> You don't understand how you could have functioned before highway 85.

I vandalized and partied in the houses that were now vacant and to be demolished for it.

> You've sometimes been tempted to make a donation to KQED.

$150/y or so.

> You know at least three jokes regarding the ambiguous sexual orientation of boys
from Bellarmine.

"Look at me I'm a Bellarmine boy"- I'm not going on.

> You've used "The Church on the Hill" as a landmark.

I've been kicked out of this place several times- for drinking, for doing donuts on their lawn, for my unmuffled vehicles...
Still one of the best places to ride a longboard...
I recall one epic period drinking 40s of Country Club, then driving home in a '72 Eldorado running over curbs- good times.

> You've been to at least one party at the Vallco ice rink.

Fuck Vallco- I was all about Aloha.

> You've gotten in a car accident at Almaden and Blossom Hill.

No, but I could drive it blind.

> You say "hella".


> You know Santa Cruz rocks.


> You can't decide whether to take 101 or 280.


> The times you've ever been to the Winchester Mystery House, it wasn't your idea.


> You know that "Christmas in the Park" has very little to do with an actual park.


> Whenever Cesar Chavez Park comes to mind, you envision a giant "poop" statue.


>You call it "San Ho" and laugh to yourself a little. Every time.


> You participated in CCS.


> You've eaten Golfland nachos.


> You have comprehensive knowledge of Paul from the Diamond Center's credentials
and advertising campaigns.

Oh god.

> You've crashed a computer company's Christmas party at the Fairmont.

Uh no.

> You've been in the drive-thru line at Jack-in-the-Box at 3am.

I've been given oral in the drive-thru line at Jack-in-the-Box at 3am :D

> You remember Kristi Yamaguchi.

Hahahah yeah.

> Your don't know exactly what your dad does, but you know its something in high

Uh no again- must be written by some youngbuck...

> You've wondered what that weird shaped building at the top of that one hill is.
You know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, sadly.

> You always answer the question "San Jose? Where is that?" with "About an hour
south of San Francisco."

Actually- "armpit of the bay area"

> You remember Frontier Village but forget why they closed it down.


> You can judge a person with frightening acuity based on what high school they
went to, regardless of that high school's geographical location. Leland or San
Jose High-- case in point.


> You know Oakridge Mall is now "the hip place to be".

Sae as it ever was.

> You know that when people say they're "going to the city" they mean San


> At least once you have gone to San Francisco for the day wearing shorts and a
t-shirt because it was a warm clear day in San Jose. And you froze your behind

Worse than that- tank top 87F here- fucking raining @ GF's place in "Sunset".

> You've been to a Giants game [if you think San Francisco Giants, you obviously
don't live in San Jose].


> You played in the fountains downtown when you were a kid.

Fuck no- that shit wasn't built.

> The SJ flea market is the only place on Earth where you decide that you need a
poncho, a cowboy hat, some fresh produce, a genuine samurai sword, and a picture
of Elvis. And you just have to talk the vendor down from two bucks to a buck
fifty for the Elvis picture.

The truth it be told again.

> You have at least one friend who brags about knowing a player for the SJ Sharks.


> You've spent over 6 hours of your life looking for parking at Santana Row.

Sadly, yes.

> Things start t o smell like garlic about 30 minutes south of your house.


> You are fully aware of the fact that 87 will never be "finished".

Hahah "built on quicksand"

> The Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum scares you.

No way- awesome!

> You know that Mr. Chau is 'all over da place'.

You had to remind me.

> You know that the Pink Poodle isn't referring to a dog of color.

Hahah I went to go buy Veanne a vibrator there, and they wouldn't let me in because I didn't have any shoes on.
So I found two paper bags in the trash, put them on my feet, and walked back in :D

> You've been to Raging Waters.


> You remember Q-Zar, don't you?


> Going to the Cardinal makes you feel a lot younger because of all the old

This was the site of the deathly "free refill? let's race!" challenge where I beat my brother by drinking my 32oz Coke refill in about 15sec compared to his 45sec, but...
Never again.

> You fear for your life, and you have "near death"
stories just traveling down Tully, King, or Story.

Nah I've been through much worse.

> You've driven around Willow Glen at Christmas to see all of the insanely
tricked-out Christmas lights.


> You drove all the way to Willow Glen or the Rose Gar den Area to go


> You've lived in San Jose your whole life and still manage to get lost once in a

Nope- my guidance is bond.

> You wish you lived in a house on University Avenue.

I assume this refers to Los Gatos?

> You've known that the Pink Poodle has been right next to Babyland your whole
life, but have never really questioned it.


> You read the Merc.

When I read.

> You remember when the HP Pavilion was built, when everyone called it "the
arena", and now refer to it as the Shark Tank.

Nah- still "The Arena"

> It was a huge deal the one time it snowed, even though it pretty much melted
once it hit the ground.

Hell yeah!

> You answer, North, South, East or West, when asked, "Where in San Jose?"

Uh huh.

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